We believe certain aspects of spiritual growth happen in community! When we share openly with our groups, we discover support, encouragement, and the opportunity to learn from one another.
But being vulnerable in a small group can be difficult. It may not always feel natural. By approaching our group members with compassion, we lay a strong foundation to build trusting relationships.
At times, group members may disagree. This is our opportunity to listen, grow, and learn from one another. To help build relationships that are strong enough to withstand differing opinions, try these four tips.
1. Listen well
Your group may have members from different denominations, theological perspectives, life circumstances, cultures, and more. We believe these differences can bring richness and depth to your group.
Unity is not built by being the same, but by respecting and appreciating the different gifts that each person brings to your group. As the Apostle Paul wrote, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us” (Romans 12:6).
What could you learn by listening to each other? While another person is speaking, try to focus on understanding their perspective rather than pre-formulating your own response.
To gain clarity and engage in discussion, helpful responses may be:
What I hear you saying is [summarize their viewpoint as you understand it]. Is that right?
I understand why you believe ______. Have you also considered _____?
I know that this is an issue we don’t agree on. Would you be interested in getting coffee with me so I can learn more about your perspective?
We believe differences can bring richness and depth your group!
2. Build empathy
Our different personalities and experiences might make it easy to misinterpret another’s behavior. What one person experiences as bold, another may interpret as rude. What one person believes to be helpful advice could feel like criticism to the recipient.
Knowing this reality, how can we show grace to each other? We can remember that our groups are made up of real people navigating real life. Before assuming the worst, try to consider a situation from their perspective.
Here are some responses that might help:
I notice that you seem [emotion] about this topic. Do you want to talk about it?
I know that you are trying to _____. It actually makes me feel _____.
You seem stressed today when _____. Is there anything you want to share?
God calls us to bear with one another and to forgive as we have been forgiven (Colossians 3:13).
Your small group is made up of real people navigating real life.
3. Evaluate your own heart
If we are faced with differences of opinion or personality, we may want to back away, but it could be a time to lean in and grow together!
To evaluate the group dynamic, reflect on the expectations your group established when you began meeting:
Is the tone of your conversation respectful?
Are you giving every group member a chance to speak?
Do you respect perspectives that are different from your own?
Are you showing grace to others when they offend you?
Pray for God’s wisdom to help you discern ways to build unity and peace. The wisdom of God is described as pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy, impartial, and sincere (James 3:17-18).
... it could be a time to lean in and grow together!
4. Ask for help
BSF Group Leaders are equipped and prepared to help their members! If you are struggling to share honestly in your group, ask your leader to help identify opportunities to do so. If you are concerned about how another group member is responding, your leader is there to listen and help.
Remember: your group’s goal is to build relationships that lead to a deeper discussion and community. For personal conversations, it may be best to set up a one-on-one meeting with your leader in an environment outside of your regular group meeting.
Building stronger relationships requires each of us to be intentional about the way we approach others. When we seek to view fellow group members the way Christ sees them, we set the tone for better and deeper group discussion.